Not long ago, I was listening to a podcast by Christy Wright and was looking for some motivation in a next career step. I had gotten to a place in my life where my work had little meaning and my self confidence had taken a plunge. I had begun listening to her various recordings on boosting self confidence and came upon some information that was startling to me. I found out that day that 90% of women deal with issues with self- confidence and that self-esteem in most girls will plummet by the age of six. Six! As I was walking that day, all I could think about what my 7-year-old daughter at home and wondering if her self-esteem was beginning to go downward and if so, why? Then I questioned what I could do to change that. In my world, I made a couple of big decisions that day regarding my work and career but I also learned some ways to help with plummeting self-esteem. Below, are Six ways we can keep a girls’ self-esteem from plummeting by the age of 6:
- Praise your child. Encouragement goes a long way. Every child has a love language just like us adults. For some of them, the number one love language is “words of affection.” For these children, words and language will pour into their soul more than you may realize. It will energize them and give them confidence that will take them day to day.
- Focus on their strengths. If they don’t sing well, don’t sign them up for American Idol. Maybe sign them up for lessons. I don’t know if you’ve seen American Idol but the first several episodes capitalize on how terrible these nominees are. America gets quite the entertainment out of this but I always thought that someone should’ve told that child that they don’t sing well. I mean, how humiliating. Focusing on their strengths will give fuel to fire so to speak so that time can be spent on the things they enjoy and things they are good at.
- Nurture a subject they like. When you do something they like even when you don’t, it grows the relationship. I once saw a movie that depicted this perfectly. In the movie, the Dad and son did not have a great relationship. They were civil around one another and they tended to have moment of intense fellowship as I say. Things were tense, not fun, not very playful, and were serious. After a serious family incident, the two of them have a serious conversation where the son asks the dad, “why don’t you ever do anything that I like to do?” It gave the dad a revelation and bought a pair of running shoes to start doing cross-country with his son even though he didn’t like running. It changed their relationship for the better. They spent more time together, they spoke more, things became less tense, and the two were able to begin to relax around one another. What it is that you can do with your child that they like to do? Where it’s about them and not you?
- Eliminate harsh language. Take out words that are unacceptable for the whole family and don’t use them. Be a role model. Some of this advice comes from Dr. Meg Meeker. As an example, if you get on to your children for saying “stupid”, then you can’t say it either.
- Listen to your child. Give them eye contact. Do you know what it’s like when a three-year-old daughter asks her daddy to listen to her in the dark. Picture a little girl trying to tell her daddy a big story from the day and they’re both laying in the bed side by side after having read a couple of books and Daddy says with his eyes closed, “okay, honey I’m listening.” And the little girl promptly grabs her daddy by the cheeks says, “Daddy, look at me.” That’s the kind attention they need. There’s a reason why there’s a saying out there that says, “if you’re not looking at me, then you’re not listening.” Show them interest when they’re speaking to you.
- Say, “I love you!” Don’t just assume they know. Assumptions don’t get anyone anywhere. Remember number 1 about praising your child. Well, saying I love you is one of those things that children need to hear. They need to know that it’s unconditional and that no matter what they say or how they act or what they do, you will always love them.
